20 June 2014

Future .. 

This few days have been thinking a lot of stuff in my mind and learned a lot, like not to run away from problem be brave and face it solve it. I'm good at helping people but when comes to me I choose to ignore it and always knows there gonna be people helping me to settle it, I gotto learn to be more independents. Regardless work, outside world. I should understand that people around me won't be there forever. 

Relationship stuff seriously it's not as easy as I thought especially at my age, it's really hard to make a decisions. It's so complicated ! I always wanted one so badly, when somebody is always there for you at any moment.Till I saw a few cases, which really stop me and makes me think about it or most probably I'll be single for the rest of my life and become a nun. 

Work wise there are so so much changes till I'm numb, when you try to speak out but you're actually talking to the wall. Feeling really exhausted everyday ! Don't even feel like going to work .The place is not I've been in the passed 2 years it so different and looks so unfamiliar. I used to work with interesting people around me joking everyday I enjoy working, wake up excitedly thinking what will happen each day what lame jokes what lame things will happen . Everyday passed so fast with this people. Now lots of wars here and there, lots of do and donts once made the wrong move you're dead. For me now everyday facing the screen quietly, don't even feel like talking, say what also wrong as well just shut the fuck up. People who knows me well, I'm a person with full of rubbish when I stop talking means I really had enough. Now I wish to save up and process with further studies to get at least a cert and look for another job I know it is not simple,but I'm willing to try. 

Project superstar didn't turn out well, but it's ok at least I gain some experiences, pray hard those epic scene won't appear on tv T.T and ruin my reputation. I'll work even harder for my further upcoming competitions, I want to be known. I want to let those people who ever look down on me, people who left me to regret. I want my whole family to be proud of me, I want to bring them a better life , I want to give the best to them. 

Rant ~ 

Unknownshira 

9 June 2014

I've done something really bad ! Feeling damn guilty and I had committed a sin which cannot be forgiven, just hating myself so much. I almost get somebody in deep shit ! I shouldn't be drunk, I should had even STOP my nonesense. I shouldn't pull people to get invole in this,  Now whatever I said it's pointless now. I'm fucking stress, lost and don't know what to do anymore, because of this dumb relationship stuff, this is the first time in my life I did this stupid stuff. In the past I don't really give a shit about it. Now I'm totally CONFUSE ! Although the answer I get today is not I want, but at least now I know and stop my daydreaming. Alright, I think I need sometime to adjust myself back to normal, have been in a really emo mood nowadays, the pain I'm suffering who know it ! sometimes don't feel like living anymore. I'm such a trouble maker. STRESS ! But I still need to say ..

I'm sorry, no matter how much apologize I had said today not going to turn the clock back.I seriously feel bad, I think you must had regretted knowing me, then everything will not happen. I don't know what I can do for you to make you feel better or try to forget this, but I promise you from now onwards if you need any help, I'll do my 100% to help you. I think that is the best thing I can do for you.

6 June 2014

Here looks so dead, I should update some entries tonight, met 1 whole bunch of interesting people recently, it's was amazing didn't even thought of that. OMG ! I meeting new FRIENDS.. I realize I become a bit out spoken than last time, I use to be damn quiet when I'm in a totally new environment or meeting up with new peoples.

Ok I finally took a one big step to achieve my dreams, I took part in project superstar not very sure I'll passed my first round of audition a not, I'm actually quite scare this is the first time when I'm alone, holding so much stress, but it's ok everything is over if I didn't get selected, I can only blame myself not to be well discipline but I really enjoyed the time I spent ^^. Lots of encouragement, lots of support from friends and colleague .I'm always a low esteem person in everything except for my passion in singing. 

I always think that when I lost something, the world is coming to the end, but now I've different prospect of thinking now, why must I really care when I'm the one is getting hurt most of the time and the one suffering when another person is being happy with life ? LOL ! I don't want to be so stupid anymore it's time for me to really wake up and think, people come and goes say is easy but when really come in real life who can really handle it well ? Had you really tried losing someone who is so important in your life before and it's gone now. Guess I've lots of experience in that. HAHAHA .I must really be more independent, there is still so much of things to do in life, I want to get my license I want to drive them out, I want to bring them overseas, I want to work hard in work, I want to earn lots of money, I want to be notice,  I want to be appreciated, I want to be strong !! 

Jiayou I can overcome everything, it just take sometimes to do it and one step at a time to fulfill what I want to do. Change to be a better person. I believe I can do it !!