24 November 2012

Today was a very rushing day for me, woke up early in the morning and there's no cab at my house estate so many people are waiting wondering where is all the cab gone to, I'm so so late decided to take a bus to pasir ris whitesand better over there plenty of cab waiting for passenger, work is ok nothing special after work went home change everything don't really have the time for lunch ,as usual very shy don't dare to talk, people there is friendly :) hopefully can get along well and work hard together for our dreams . My mummy got her note II was damn happy exploring it then I process to kbox not really in a mood to sing cause just 2 of us. Overall is a good good day for me hehe ~

18 November 2012

I guess it's time to me to reconsider everything again but I've no clues which path I should go, I've somehow lost interest in my work and everything , this kind of feeling really pissing me, making me hate myself more !

16 November 2012

I'm back blogging life is as usual but there's something new in my life. I got Selected for audition , was actually quite scary but i mange to endure I'm at the beginning of my dream, My training will be starting soon on the 24 November woohoo ~ Quite exciting but hopefully i won't be so quiet anymore, Wonder should i works harder towards my dream and become a career  or just take it as a interest maybe should finish my course then decide the future, i'm lack of confident i need some supporters ! ~

Upcoming our family trip it's finally reaching omg ~ this is the first time our family went overseas together gonna be fun, 7D6N at Taiwan ^^ The weather confirm will be cold, i should bring thicker clothes, hohoho i want to buy a lots of stuff back. weeeeeeee ~

This few days not really paying attention to my work not like last time, don't know why seems like not having interest on that anymore is it because staying here too long and so much things actuallies happen starting to get bored everyday and very tired everyday sleep how much or early is not enough think i've born wrong year should born in the year of PIG .

workworkworkwork !!!~~~

22 September 2012

Weeks have passed but everything it seems the same, I'm waiting hoping there's a change there isn't. 1 year but just took 1 day to ruin everything Im hurt but simply you just dont feel anything yeah ? I cried like nobody cares walking passed to the place we use to go. Never plan that 1 day I be losing you. Never mind as long as you're happy, I won't create more troubles for you I'll get back to where I suppose to belong. I can take it, it just few more months or years to overcome since I've so much experience on that everybody wanting to hurt me so much. Don't even ask me how happy am I ? Because I'm totally not . I'm gone, I don't know will you read this a not? You might be angry but this is what I feel.

7 September 2012

Woohoo ~~ bloggy ! I'm blogging after I drank thats maybe will build me more confidences. I would like to say thank for everything you have help me all along the way the jokes we have, those stupid stuff those laughter we have together. It seems to me you doesn't want to care anymore, everyone always tell me want me to be independent and be able to take care of myself but I've to say sorry I can't. I've enough of that words I've cry enough. I've been hurt Once twice thrice ,is my problem but I'm like this what you want me to do ?I'm having phobia I guess everything gonna be different now. You can just give up on me I've prepare the worst you don't even cares about how I feel I'm nobody to you maybe just a passerby yeah ? Partners, friends or whatever .. I'm sad enough, curse and swear at me I promise I won't fight back cause I'm too weak to do so people said that if there's any cracks there's no ways to cover it up. It's all my fault Im not suitable to be someone friend, I'm all alone.

17 August 2012

The feelings is so strong again till I don't know how am I going to describe it, I don't know is there anyone gonna read this but .... Do anyone thinks that sometimes giving one will be a correct choice instead of hanging there and there won't be any difference, I learn a lot some words is meant to be say and just forgot. Now I know words is nothing , action prove everything . The people around don't bear to leave but if there's no choice I must .

14 August 2012

This few days keep on having nightmare those weird weird dreams destroy my sleep arghh make me feel so tired every morning. When i want to sleep i can't sleep always spending time rolling on my bed please let me have a peaceful sleep. Yawn ~  work is as normal, as usual there will be people being the joker and make my day :D HOPE I COULD GET SOME SLEEP TONIGHT  ~~~~~`

11 July 2012

Bloggy time early in the morning heard something which really pissed me off and totally spoil my day, as usual doing the same thing then I went crazy plan to make cookies today, bought oven and ingredient from NTUC pushing the trolley walk all the way home like 3 mad people on the road went home prepare everything, start to bake but not that successful can be eaten taste not that good, second try out put too much milk T.T time fly like so fast it's already 2AM ! Going to sleep soon .

5 July 2012

Bloggy time .. Not feeling quite right this few days maybe have been drinking too much and insomnia I can't sleep have been turning round and round. Now plugging my earpiece lying on my bed relax tomorrow is FRIDAY ! Weeeee ~ then sat I haven really use my new lappy yet ! Since that day I bought it No time to use it . Life is getting bored for me today heard people said that youngster commit suicide cause of relationship I believe his family members will not accept the truth . Tsk tsk , then what if the person is me will anyone will ever cry for you ? Or celebrating the special occasion of mine. I'm bored so bored ...

24 June 2012

I've been thinking to be successful how much i can make, this few weeks really not in good mood i don't know why every thing just mess up like this which i don't want it to be. Starts to get bored of my life and i keep overspent my money tsk tsk tsk worst part is i don't even know what i spent on. I should clear all my debts i need to really plan, time passed so fast i start to feel that i'm feeling old but i still don't know how to think i should be the one doing the best to make my parents proud but i think i let them down. I always not a good daughter, think i must really be more committee to my working attitude if not i keep dragging people down with me feel very sorry. People always push me along in my life but i still keep giving attitude think sooner or later i'll get sack no matter how many good people i met i just destroying it in my hand. I lost my balance and fall hard on the floor. I'm quite a loser i can't make things right letting people disappointed in me. i feel so restless so helpless everyone happily living but i'm still at the same spot wandering around. what is my future ? where will i be in the next 10 years of my life those people who hate me is pointing and laughing at me what can i said ? just laugh at me cause i'm nothing i won't feel pain. I FELT SO LOST ! Someone told me this before if i don't help myself no ones is there will help me up . I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY TO GO .

21 June 2012

There's no peace in my mind keep thinking a lot of rubbish, not enough sleep causes me bad temper . Early in the morning my mood is terribly down. Everyday like keep happening.Trying to make people happy and get ignore or i talk nobody is listening, can I just shut up and don't talk, my effort putting in still not enough ? Really !? Having quite a few days of sleepless night . Even ! My closer sister also lie to me ? So can I still believe anyone ? FUCK '! Just going to drink tonight and just seh

24 May 2012

I'm not going to give up, I still got a lot of things haven done, my dreams my achievements my goal . Having a really peaceful mind feel so good. So that I could thinks where am I gonna be in future how far I'll go. People comes and go, I've to accept the fact but I just don't wish to face the fact, as everyone know I'm a very emotional person . Can anyone be my guiding light ? Guide me to my path I feel abit lost somewhere. I just learn things slower than people a bit nobody born to be perfect ! Next month next next month and ...... Wow years and years. PERSEVERE !

10 May 2012

I'm EMO again !~ I think I'm just being too selfish I feel so guilty and helpless I'm like lost in my own world I can't walk out of this maze it is not so easy as what I think, I'm trying to escape in the dark emptiness inside me. If really I can turn back time to the most happiest time I've, I'm not letting go but truth is always so cruel.This is why people always said when you lost something then you will regret realise how important it is. The life I always wanted to have . First, second third .. And what's more of suffering when I've no problem im so bored and panic when I've have problem same this is human being right ? 20 year of life in this world hoping to see a little changes but it just seems like happening the every few years people start going off am I really that BAD ? I got cheated I have been make use. how silly am I to actually thinks that this world is so perfect how innocent am I? People said you will learn when you fall but I trying to improve but I still crawling,struggling to get up and I'm push down again like someone is stepping on me and I can't breath . I'm so going to be DEAD ~~~~~~

6 May 2012

Wow ! Good morning world I'm Updating so damn early .. I haven been sleeping yet so yup. While my mind is still fresh . Today mood is super fucking good seriously thanks to just the one person who really doom my saturday went out with lion then meet Lao da then nex walk walk , the message is like keep coming in ! NON-STOP ! Which really corrupt my while MIND ! I can't even think about any shit I'm just feeling so headache I cannot really relax sorry lion . Really very VEX ! Few days ago I'm complaining I'm tired ! YES IM ! UNDERSTAND ENGLISH and I've enough of all this bullshit it's just flooding on my head . Don't tell me everything is do for me because of me ! Whatever ok !? Enough of that firstly don't you think you love someone is a bit over ? You don't think so it's really too much pushing me all the way to the wall and make me feel so breathless even when sometimes the message when I see it i seriously dont feel like replying it cause WHY ! CAUSE WE'RE NOT EVEN TOGETHER ! YOU ARE SAYING ALL THOSE LOVE ME ALL THIS KIND OF TEXT HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO REPLY YOU ? WANT YOU TO FIND OUT ABOUT ME IN THE END YOU RUN TO MY FRIEND AND ASK THEM ! YOU KNOW IM SO DAMN STRESSFUL TILL I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE MY HEAD HURTS SO MUCH THAT I KEEP THINKING ABOUT DYING ! Thought I'm suppose to enjoy my life in the end I'm suffering because of WHAT ! Told you not to stalk me you said you will change but I don't think so it still the same . So you really want someone to be with you quarrelling everyday ? Yes sometimes I'm a bit ridiculous I admit it. First time we drink you cab me home you're hugging me second time we kissed in the cab don't think that I'm drunk I don't remember you know it's actually give me the feelings but just that everything is too late. Just fucking give me some time to relax myself I really cannot hold on to anything anymore I'm just mentally and physically TIRED I NEED A BREAK !.

4 may 2012

Back to blogging recently so much unhappy stuff keep happening I'm so tired I really need a break I don't want everyday facing the Same problem, now I know the feeling of pushing everything to somebody, feeling so tight there's nowhere I can find some space to even breath . The arrows is pointing towards me . " enough is enough ... Actually I don't know I've enough of what but really ENOUGH ! It's driving me nuts . I don't know what I want can anyone please guide me or tell me what can I do ? My mind is as plain as a piece of paper . No one knows understand what I'm saying .

25 April 2012

So fast it is already April . Times flying weeeee ~ I'm so bored , so tired how much sleep also no use mentally tired. Can I just forget everything ? And not think about those stuff . Leading in a simple and peaceful life is it so difficult hope one blink everything will be over .

22 April 2012

Things don't go smooth again, so damn happy that I'm being make use of again ... So if there's any problem just come find me ba, "FREE TO USE" . I still need to overcome everything, starts from beginning ! Fuck , why is it keep repeating and I've to keep trying to stop thinking about it, is there any machine that can forget everything happen in my life, seriously I hope the result the doctor will diagnose that i've cancer and tell me you're going to die I think in my last part of my life I'll be happy cause I think those who have left me behind or forget me will remember me in my last part of my life i dont have to suffer anymore I don't have to think , I don't need to run I don't have to quarrel , I don't need to be angry or sad anymore, I don't need to cry. People who knows me before no longer contact thanks for helping me in my life when I need help. People who I still contacting with thanks for the help and you guys always will be there for me . YES ! That's how pathetic is my life LAUGH AT ME .

12 march

I'm back to blogging something happy :) someone found her true love yeah so happy for her .. Time to let go 我选择离开。

9 march

Ill just keep quiet and let the time pass ... I've enough ...

7 march

After hearing my mummy said something, I'm so damn disappointed really , your parents earn so much money for you all to study. NOW ! You all have been earning so much money and not giving your parents a single cents your parents is old now they have to work at this age ?

6 march

I cried again in office, office I don't want to say outside hais ~ 我应该要怎么做才对。

5 march 2012

I'm still here waiting, but you''ve gone so far away .. I'm feeling numb. When are you coming back ? 我需要人陪的时候你不在我身边，陪我的人不是你。

4th march

那些年错过的大雨， 那些年错过的爱情好想拥抱你，拥抱最后的勇气。

I'm gonna be Dead.

29 Feb 2012

Weee ~ so long didn't blog, very tired from the starting of the week, I think I'll get use to it even when I didn't work on weekends the latest time I woke up is at 12 or 1. Today is pay day hurray $$$ I wanted my iPhone badly :( meow ... Work work as usual nothing much special happen, after work went home meet family for dinner then after that walk back home . Then that idiot everyday showing attitude DAMN ! I see Liao also sian .. Arghh !!

9 Feb 2012

I really don't know what to do, being a good person people think that you're being to extra or acting like so fake , being a bad person forever people gonna say bad things about you behind your back. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO !? I very tired I totally Don't feel like doing anything , hais ....

5 Feb 2012

Yawn .. Today is so tired tired went to k last night , then watching movie at 10.45 super early woke up prepare cab to hougang to take stuff, after that watch 小孩不坏。very very nice movie plus is like so similar to my situation now !! After movie went to have kfc for breakfast ? Train to grandma house eat lunch then play mahjong with them so so stress, think my hair gonna drop a lot ... Very very tired then 8.30 cab home home .. GOOD NEWS ! MY MUMMY IS COMING BACK HOME SOON ! But don't know when is it maybe after our Genting trip weeee ~~~~ oh ya of course I won't forget those who help me when I'm down when I really stress and I've no one to turn to. Thanks to egg, ah pa, ah ma, Lao zhu , Lao Jie, bro, Baobei, mao and those who heard my sorrow and console me . I really love you guys a lot ! I think if those days I've no one to turn to I'm just gonna be a walking dead without any soul in me and crying along, main point is I'm back ! Weee .. ~~~~ so you all gonna headache and take all my rubbish :p weeeee ...

4 Feb 2012

Third day of emo-ing last Night I've cried again, fall asleep at around 1 plus morning almost overslept , yawn woke up prepare then off to work, work as usual Paige left us , hmmmm .. Things gonna be same again , ever lasting forms for us to do.... Argh .. Then after lunch time actually nothing much happen mummy call and chat with me, after that asking about Genting trip during weekdays im stuck in the middle, not enough man power, mummy off for one month then maybe is the only time can stay with her for at least 3 days also good . But then hais I don't know what to do then I just hide inside my room, I cried ~ Cause I knew that the percentage of me getting leave on those days is totally impossible, boss actually asked me to choose nearest to weekend but weekend is more expensive then mummy said if you cannot then never mind, then I run out of the office and I cried. Lion came to find me and said that my leave is approve . I'm so damn happy till I don't know how to thanks them, but they gonna have bad times for this 3 days really really thanks a lot love you guys so much ... Weeee ~ then after work went to find mummy then we have buffet for our dinner SUPER FAT ! Then smoke awhile there are no cab damn ! Walk till so far and got in the cab . I'm so happy ...

2 feb 2012

Second day of emo-ing, today woke up actually in a happy mood then after that I heard some songs, I sing with my mummy . When I'm in car I can't bear with it I silently cried I think the rest of the month also should be like this I really really trying my best just to hide my sadness away, during work time I'm just looking at the clock wanted to fly over to find my mummy but I also feel that I'm sorry for my Lao zhu cause I can't help her for the whole day I left her alone. :( I walk out of office raining heavily I cried along the way to mrt since its raining and there won't be anyone looking. When I reach saw mummy I'm so so HAPPY ! Then bring her see doctor first then after that we shop some clothes for her after that they went off, then have dinner . That's all for the day but whenever I think I keep on crying ... Hard day ! When I'm young I keep on counting till how old I can see my parents then keep on counting the age between me and them when after counting I realize human will pass away one day and ended up in crying but now I keep thinking that I can't see them I don't have a family ! I really feel very very very SAD ! EMO-ING

2 Feb 2012

First day of emo-ing seriously totally no mood for anything in office totally like a zombie, hais no mood for everything, everything also do wrong. Hais ~ wanted to cry but I cannot CRY ! Cause I won't give up. Mummy just called me and tell me the whole story , about what happen yesterday, seriously I don't know why is he like that ! Is like this kind of words he cannot take it ! DAMN ! Then mummy confirm with me that she going to divorce with him. I also quite happy or her finally she found her own freedom and no longer need to feel all those pain she had . No matter what I'll take care of my brother I won't like him hungry like he did ! NOW! I'm standing in my mother role I gotta learn washing clothes . I hope he will really just fuck off ..

1 FEB 2012

YES ! It's already 2012 ! I thought everything will be OVER ! And what the fuck I saw ? When I just reach home I thought nothing will happen in the end that FUCKER run out of the room and push my mummy towards her face and she FALL ! And the glasses broke again . Its happening again and over again I seriously wanted them to divorce it's is really better for my mummy as for me I'm ok with it we all grow . I can just work hard and take care of my brother and I can feed him ! I no need that bastard help . Thanks god im still alive TODAY ! Im really sick and tired of it ! Saw this kind of things happen and happen again till I really got phobia with it ! Saw one time can at least last for a month in my memory but the pain still stays ! :( I really can't take it anymore im going to become crazy !! FUCKER !!!! I'll always HATE HIM TO THE MAX .

18 jan 2012

Time fly so fast , it's gonna be Chinese new year firstly I think I gonna get a big big bag to fill with a lot a lot of red packets haha. Recently have been going bugis again and again with my dearest ah pa (lion) LOL .. Haha bring "him" to bugis "market" to shop around quite addictive I think he can buy down the whole shop la ! Hahah. So damn fun at least I won't be rotting at home now and no need think so much , work go out till tired then reach home bath then bomb sleep. Enjoy doing the same thing again and again everyday got so much happening things going on . Meow .. Short posting nights everyone .

12 Jan 2012

Wonderful now I'm like living in a prison, asking me this and that argh ! PLEASE I NEED SOME PRIVACY ! Being a friend it's like so so hard already.

3 Jan 2012

Weee ~ finally is 2012 ! Thought it was a good start, but then im wrong starting from christmas eve i stayed at home like an idiot luckily my dearest colleague going out that's why I can tag along, count down nothing much just have some drinks with panda and some of her friends. This few days really very emo. how pathetic am I when all this special occasion came and I've no one to go out with, I've to stay at home :( i dont want ! I'm also afraid to mix around, people who knows me well will know what happen . Hais ~ then about the rest of the occasion ? I also have to celebrate it alone ? I don't want T.T I just want one group or few people which I really trust , 季节提醒我孤单. Sometimes I think that just work and work and went back home rest when comes to weekends I've nothing to do again I've to rot at home maybe the whole house is empty or my brother company me. I just wanted people to understand me accompany me and don't left me alone. Seriously I'm tired le I haven been crying for like months le which I think I make a great improvement the fact is wrong actually I'm trying to make myself busy and not to think about all this things telling myself that there is no one there it's ok ! I'm ok . If anyone of you put into my shoe and think about it when there's no one there and when you really feel like dying cause thinking this world there's not meaningful for you anymore. 我说我不哭是假的。我也是人有感情。stay at home keep on nagging nag and nag, yes ! I'm lazy this is the fact but I'm really feeling very very tired I don't feel like doing anything. All along the way I'm not doing well, I hate myself those people who have show me lots of concern thanks a lot to you guys. I'll never forget and those who have ever help me . Well well well ... I WANT TO FORGET EVERYTHING AND START A NEW LIFE .......


Ahhhhhhhhhhh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


没人知道我多孤单。